Posted on February 7, 2013 - Feeling French
I have stopped writing for a bit these days. I’m not dead, I haven’t resigned I was just considering and revising. Mostly trying to define. To define this blog. I was asking myself what is it that I am doing here. Am I sharing my fears and thoughts? Am I trying to give some example from my own experience? Or just simply writing some stupid shit, hoping some day somebody will read it. I don’t know. I still don’t know and yet again here I am tapping on the keyboard.
It has been so difficult to define my blog that even the word document I’m mostly writing down my things (I do not always have internet when I want to write something down) has kept the Word name ‘Document1′. I simply couldn’t name it.
But after careful consideration I decided not to define myself yet. I don’t need to say who I am. I even can’t tell you that as I don’t know it for myself yet.
But what I decided is to share a bit. Share things about myself. Tell you who are the people I am going to talk about. Now, there is the discretion law of blogs which implies never to undiscover everything. So the stories are going to be true, but some of the names I’ll change. Some others I’ll change. That way nobody knows who’s real and who’s not.
My name is.. FeelingFrench. You didn’t expect anything else did ya? On me, you already have some info and I’m sure you’l get more and more, so I won’t focus on myself (even though I love focusing on myself)
My best friend (I’ve mentioned her like ‘the girl from my country that is here with me). Her name is Sarah (true or not, who knows) She is two years older that me and she has been here 2 years more. So I like to look at her ‘situation’ as mine in two years. She comes from another city in our beautiful country, and as I mentioned a smaller one. So I love sort of analysing her as she is the first person so close to me from the ‘province’. She is a loving and gentle person. She has saved me in all sorts since I am here. She has been my friend and family. So I love her as such. I love her despite some things I don’t like about her. I’m trying to be patient and to keep my ‘explosions’ for myself. And the best thing is that we have fought in the time we know each other. We had discussions, we had fights. But the longest we haven’t spoke is 3 days. And it was because we were both working a lot. What I’m trying to say is that if we fight and say awful things to each other, the next day it is all just gone. There is no sense of tension or unforgiveness between us. There is a blissfull friendship.
I’m sure I’ll mention Sarah quite a few times and I’ll give you more info about her, so I’ll stop myself here.
My boyfriend. His name is Jimmy, he’s a hairdresser. He is 29 and he’s French. And he lights up my world. I mean he literally lights me. Sometimes lights me to be angry, but there surely is fire inside me. Jimmy is the most unselfish person I know. He is calm and thoughtful. And a person who is working on himself. He says things like ‘I want to be like this’ or ‘Someday I wish that wouldn’t make me angry’. He told me once that you love a person not only for what he is, but as well for what he is going to become. And I find that to be true.
Jimmy is my first boyfriend that I knew for some time before we passed to another level. He was a friend of my ex (which complicates in a kind our relationship, but not too much) After I broke up with my ex, Jimmy was the only friend from ‘the group’ who really stayed in touch with me. It was one of the hardest moment for me, because I lost almost everybody around. And Sarah and Jimmy were literally not only my only friends, but the only people I was seeing or talking with.
At first I thought that I can never be boyfriends with Jimmy, because.. well let’s say it out loud – he had a long and crouded history before me. I thought I would never be able to trust him and that every time he presents me one of his friends I will always think ‘Has he slept with him’. Which happens from time to time, but is definitely not a thing I concentrate on. And as for the trust.. I still check with one eye when he writes a message, but in some kind of level I have confidence in him.
This post is getting longer and if there is someone who read it until here – you have a beer on me! So I’ll stop here. Of course there are some other people I’d like to tell you few words about, but I’m not sure yet if I’ll make another ‘presenting’ post or I’ll just present them with few words when I get to talk about them. Really, I have no idea. But at least I’m getting on the way to form around my blog into some kind of shape.
Have fun, my unknowns!